EIGHT RESILIENT WAYS NIGERIANS SHOUD APPROACH LIFE

Life is not a bed of roses hence it is important that we have the ability to come back stronger or to keep pushing after an unlikely event. Our resilience has a way of influencing to a great length how much we would measure in life. Sometimes all we need is to persevere and be resilient. Here are 8 resilient ways every Nigerian should approach life. 1. Past history is a wisdom teacher: Resilient individuals see their past as the most valuable teacher. Past mistakes allow them to learn what not to repeat in their future. Once they have the lesson they do not harbour it and continue to carry any pain or embarrassment. They take inventory of what they have learned and make the necessary changes which need to be made. They know that in holding on to the past, it only keeps them in the place they were stuck. Mistakes are perfect opportunities to learn something valuable which wasn’t understood before. The past doesn’t define them, it trains them. 2. Take responsibility: Resilient individuals see their lives as being largely under their own control. Luck has very little to do with success or failure. Luck is something the resilient create through persistence, a positive attitude, acting with kindness, and networking for more opportunities. Luck is the gift of never giving up. 3. Prioritize well: Resilience, like any virtue, does not come in an unlimited supply. Not every detail of life is always going to be under their influence, therefore, they let go of what they cannot control by prioritizing the aspects of their life they can push, nurture, promote, fix and maximize. 4. Happy for others: The resilient do not entertain thoughts of lack. They hold a belief that there is enough success, love, beauty or happiness to go around, so when someone else takes the stage they do not have feelings of being diminished in any way. Rather, they feel excited and inspired watching others succeed. Any time you wish for the failure of another, you attract failure to yourself. For that reason the resilient support the success of others wholeheartedly. 5. Speak a language of happiness: The resilient make very little time for “poor me,” complaining, whining or martyring about how things are so bad in their lives. Words have power. Language is life. They believe that what they speak about is what they will live. Complaining has never proven to make people feel better or to become more successful, fulfilled or happy. If there is a failure the resilient find every way they can to turn their failure into a success by focusing on solutions not problems. 6. Competitive with themselves: The resilient are not out to compete with others, what others have, their job titles, salaries or accomplishments. There is no need to one-up another person. The resilient are goal-oriented and only compete with themselves and the goals they set. Each goal achieved is a competition won. They do not waste time in these traps of comparison as it only serves to weaken their spirits and their state of mind. The resilient are inspired from within, not without and therefore they only measure themselves against their own inner desires, goals and timelines. 7. Visionaries: Resilient individuals never settle for less in love, life or career. They vision their short term and long term goals and make it a point to revisit them to measure their progress. The process of reviewing their goals and desires reminds them ofwhy they are doing what they are doing and working so hard to do it. They find the meaning in their suffering in reflecting upon their goals. 8. Grateful: The resilient take nothing for granted. They know that being intelligent, motivated, healthy, successful, loving and kind is not a right, it is a privilege. These individuals take time each day to count their blessings. It is easy to get side tracked on what they don’t have or how far away they are from reaching a goal, but the resilient do not allow themselves to get emotionally down for too long into any type of negativity. They have trained themselves to focus on what they have, the abundance of love in their lives, and on how far they have come and all they have gained. It is this type of thinking which keeps them inspired, loving, successful and going forward in life.

WHY SOME MEN DON'T ENJOY SEX

The reason why some men do not want to have sex is that they no longer enjoy sex. And they no longer enjoy sex because they do not have erection any longer. Although it is not everyone who agrees with this n are salient issues being raised by the medical expert on why this is so with men. Esther Odili spoke with Dr Taiwo Fadeyi, a sex therapist, who shared the reasons many men do no enjoy having intercourse with their spouses. 1. Hormonal imbalances: The most important stimulant of sexual desire is testosterone. Many men are mistakenly sent to have a blood test for total testosterone when low libido is the issue. Men who do not enjoy sex at all already have a problem of testosterone, a hormone that is responsible for erection. Moreover, these type of men in their youths does not have anything to do with sex and they are referred to as the Eunuchs.However, they are not the same as homosexuals. Homosexuals enjoy sex with the same sex. It is not that they do not have sex. 2. Turn off from sex: Some men get bored with sex that is not fulfilling to them and they turn off from sexual activity. This can be related to specific things that his partner does during sexual intercourse. This type of men feel criticized or may have sexual interest that he knows or fears his partner may not share. 3. Disagreement with spouse: This has to do with some women. A woman could become a nag. When a man has a nagging wife who becomes a terror at home, the husband would rather not have sex with her. If he has to beg her for sex or the woman uses sex as a weapon to punish him, then his interest will be lost completely.According to Dr Fadeyi, we have to differentiate men who do not want to have sex with their wives and those who do not enjoy sex.Those who do not want to have sex with their wives have extra-marital affairs. These type of men do not have erectile dysfunction. The wives have pushed them out of the home. It is either the couple is sexually incompatible or the wife is becoming difficult. 4. Stress: Another reason is that they lose interest when they undergo a lot a stress. Stress comes in many forms; it could be financial stress, emotional stress, stress at work, bad economy, no money to pay children fees. These type o Dr Fadeyi, are called stress induced. Unlike women who can fake an erection, it is either you have an erection or you do not have an erection, he says.5. Masturbation. Some men self stimulate in a particular way and train themselves to trigger ejaculation and orgasm in that way only. For some women, this issue is a blessing to them while for others it is a frustrating and disappointing outcome. It is advisable that a partner knows her man’s erotic idiosyncrasies’ as some men take their sexual desires into their own hands by masturbating to porn videos, movies and so on.6. Erectile dysfunctionMany men who have an erectile dysfunction that leads to loss of libido or total impotent avoid having sex with their partner because they have difficulties functioning sexually.7. The woman is no longer attractiveWhen you are attracted to someone, your whole body switches on. Attraction is a symphony in which different instruments- the voice, charisma, and body language play a part it is like you get in the mood for love. A woman who was pretty when you marry her and suddenly by the time she starts giving birth, she became fat, obese then the husband can no longer take her out. A woman can have sex without enjoying it. If a man does not like the partner, he will not have an erection. In addition, if the wife suddenly becomes dirty, having body odour, sweat, the man will lost interest.8. Health issuesHealth issues like heart problems, hypertension, heart attack, kidney problem might reduce the urge for sex, says Dr Fadeyi.9. DrugsAnti-depressant drugs, pain relievers, anti-anxiety drugs and others can also lead to quick ejaculation and orgasm10. ImpairmentHowever, when a man pays too much attention to his partners’ experience, he loses erotic focus, which can interfere with ejaculation and orgasm. If the problem is erectile dysfunction, you will need to see a urologist. But if it is because the relationship has gone sour, they you go and see a marriage counselor.Meanwhile a woman will have different reasons that have tampered with her sex life. T a visit to a doctor first, is the best option. When she meets with the doctor, she will tell why she is not enjoying sex, so the doctor will be able to follow up from there.But basically, everybody must see a doctor, Dr Fadeyi advises

DREAMED OR DREAMT?

Some people say to use 'dreamed' in American English and 'dreamt' in British English, but it's not that simple.
Here's how these two words are really used.
A few years ago, a man named D. Chap wrote in and said, “I was thinking about the words dreamed and dreamt. I've heard it used both ways and I've seen it written both ways, but it doesn't make a lot of sense to me about what the proper usage would be if there is one. You don't say creamt when you're trying to say
creamed, or the same thing with
gleamed and gleamt ; you never hear those. So I was wondering what the proper usage was for dreamed versus dreamt.”
The reason he is confused is that dreamed and dreamt are both allowable past tense forms of the verb 'dream' .
Dreamt is often described as the British version of the word (1, 2, 3), however, a Google Books Ngram search shows that dreamed is more common than dreamt in both British and American English. Still, dreamt is on more equal footing in Britain than in America:
People use dreamed about 2.5 times more often than dreamt in British English, but about 7 times more often than dreamt in American English.
British English search for dreamed and
dreamt.
American English search for dreamed and dreamt.
You can use whichever word you prefer, but dreamed will probably be less distracting to your readers.

References
1. Brians, P. Common Errors in English Usage. Wilsonville: William, James & Co., 2003, p. 68.
2. Merriam-Webster's Dictionary of English Usage . Springfield: Merriam-Webster, 1994, p. 371.
3. Garner, B. Garner's Modern American Usage. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2003, p. 274.

Culled from Grammar girl

RE: IT IS AN ACT OF GOD

I am absolutely flummoxed, the fact that our public office holders still find it almost impossible to make uncontroversial, responsible statements. It has been alleged that you ma, the Honorable Minister of Aviation, said that the recent air accident was "an act of God". The only thing I decipher from that statement is that you acknowledged that there is a God, don't drag Him into your inefficiencies. He can be very patient yet a consuming fire. In as much as God is all sovereign and no one can question His ways, we should not ascribe unbecoming phrases to HIM. Only in this country will this height of impunity, insensitivity and irresponsible be made to pass. The repeated and continuous (because I'm not sure these mishaps are over) air crashes and huge waste of human lives should NEVER be related to God as He is not an author of confusion. He frowns at waste and trying to circumvent discovering the root cause of the issue at hand by laying the blame on God as adopted by you and your colleagues for every systemic day to day cascading failures in all sectors is nothing but irresponsibility. These days, the safest medium of transportation has become death traps. Since the severity is very fatal and the probability of this happening is close to one, you can guess the risk Nigerians are taking to fly. Children have orphaned, breadwinners from their families, loved ones separated eternally due to the "act of God". With the seven crashes in the last two years, God has really been showing the acts clearly I presume then. What do we then call natural disasters? A respected activist said, "if God is in charge of safety in the aviation sector, we are then duplicating role by paying people salaries for the same. Whom do we sack? The first name on unrepentant and incompetent people's mouth when they fail to perform their responsibility is God". I will not join the bandwagon asking for your resignation, even though that is the only honorable thing to start solving this mess with. In saner climes, MPs, PMs, Ministers have tendered their resignation with unreserved apologies to the country for lot less. I will not join those who pass the buck to your desk even if by your position you boss the aviation industry. All most Nigerians ask is that you and by extension your colleagues enroll for courses in Communication Management to assist in reaching out to us. Thanks.

GEJ & THE COAT OF 'HARMS' (1)

*clears throat*fellow Nigerians...",the ever lovely first two words that has become the introductory axims that begins the Nigerian President's Speech. Ever since His Excellency, President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan ascended the Aso Rock Villa's sacred sit, it has neen 'HELL' for him, his friends and 'concubines' which has never been fair n him since this 'HELL' was inherited (at least that's what his attack dogs implied). After eventually winning the 'battle' to complete late President Yaradua's tenure and cajoling the whole country with the "I had no shoes" campaign, GEJ has not really done anything to douse the fierce conflagration that's been engulfing him. From seemingly going back on the alleged gentleman's agreement with the Northern Statesmen not to contest for a second term, adoption a siddon-look approach to the Boko Haram menace until thousands of Nigerians (foreigners inclusive) had been -still is- maimed, decapitated, killed, rendered fatherless, widows in the north; to defiling the simple rules of Mathematics by recognising Jang, Governor of Plateau State, as the Chairman, Governors Forum and relatively the recent crisis in Rivers State.

In as much as GEJ&his assistants try to fence off from the crisis, a Ray Charles will see that the bulk stops on his desk. The first lady confessed during the courtesy call meeting with the South South Bishops that the 'beef' with Amaechi started four years ago because he disobeyed her order by demolishing the Okrika Waterfronts. Amaechi explained he did so because he felt (who turned out to be vindicated) the waterfront acted as a getaway for militants and needed to put an end to their excesses. A reply the first lady did not take lightly.

Logical reasoning begs to ask why now? Why did she wait till now to "show herself" if she does not have a full territorial backing? Juxtaposing GEJ's obstreperous achievements as the GCFR(both physically and spiritually) with the obstinate ways he has handled the running of state affairs(over 3years spent in office), it will be easy to conclude that he needs serious help as he has done more HARM than good to the country and its coat of ARMS.

TRIBUTE TO GOLDIE HARVEY: Another Candle goes off.

Wonderfully gracious and Real was she to her fans world over... Energetic, intelligent, talented and hard-working.. One could go all out to capture her existence into words.. One could to try to understand what happened and why? Comprehension is difficult. Even as a Nigerian, i really got to know her when she signed up to contest in the BBA game show. Even at that i didn't like her, not as a person but because of her 'life on screen'. She proved two things though, she loved, she cared. Waking up early a day after her demise to the sad news raised bothering questions. Why Lord? She was so young? How Lord? She only complained of a headache. I kept mumbling, yet no response. We cant question His jugdements, His ways are far beyond our reasoning, neither His sovereignty. Goldie was full of smiles, had a great heart, a heart to love, she made her mark while alive. I say a prayer for her, her fans and family as they go about these dark and gloomy days. Another Candle goes off. RIP GOLDIE

THINK POSITIVE

Everything we know,  we have learned from someone else
Including stuffs we claim credit for! Surprised?
Yeah, don't be

The Governor of North CArolina once complemented Thomas Edison on his creative genius. "I'm not a great investor", replied Edsion. "but you have over 1,000 patents to your credit", the governor said.

"Well, yes but about the only invitation/intention i can claim to be absolutely original is the PHOTOGRAGH." replied Edison.
The governor remarked, "I'm afraid, i don't understand".

"Well, I'm an awfully good sponge. i absorb ideas wherever i can and put them to practical use. Then I improve them until they become of some value. My ideas are mostly those of other people  who didn't develop them themselves" Edison said.

 Edison was a lifelong learner. He stayed open, hungry for knowledge and teachable and to succeed you must too. To know whether you're teachable, ask yourself the following:

•  Am I open to other people's thoughts and ideas?
• Do I listen more than I talk?
• Am i willing to change my opinion based on new info?
• Do i readily admit when i am wrong?
• Am i willing to ask a question that will expose my ignorance?
• Do i think and observe before acting a situation?
• Am i willing to ask for directions?
• Do i act when criticized or do i listen openly for truth?

Remember,

" the way of a tool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice"- unknown